Great idea. I love the empathy part. The empathy born from this practice is a remarkable gift, not just to yourself but to everyone around you. It reminds us how much wisdom lies in acknowledging our shared human struggles, flaws, and contradictions. In understanding ourselves, we unlock the grace to truly see others.
For this exercise to truly work though, the process requires patience and persistence. Answers rarely come immediately as they demand a back-and-forth dialogue with ourselves, much like therapy or psychoanalysis. The real truths often reside beneath layers of assumptions, biases, and narratives. To uncover them, we must ask, probe, and revisit, understanding that clarity emerges over time, not all at once.
Also, to make this self-exploration meaningful and lasting, documenting the journey is important. Journaling can offer a way to anchor our discoveries, ensuring they aren’t lost to the passage of time. It’s a tool that not only captures the moments of insight but also provides a map of our growth reminding us of how far we have come and guiding us toward what’s yet to be uncovered.
One thing I have noticed is that taking a clear look at what I have done in writing makes it easier to correct course, if I am wrong or have caused harm. It is not something I understand and analyze, so much as it is an acknowledgement, with love for myself, nevertheless. A tool to make me useful, using detachment with love. It sounds strange, but so what, it works. Talking with a trustworthy person or two can also help the discomfort, to a degree. The sharing of it can help make for a closer community and human beings are meant to take on difficulties in community, not in isolation as many of us are taught as children. I love the feeling of God's grace when I have shared the experiences and others have also with me. There is greater patience and a desire to be kind that comes in. It feels good to do something kind because I just want to. That is not to say that anger and frustration are removed for the day, because they are not. It is nice to get a respite, even a short one.
"Can too much detachment lead to a kind of paralysis?" Yes. A thousand times yes. And I'd add to that: self-loathing, paranoia, and a whirlpool of loneliness.
I grew up with a third-person self-awareness that, rather than asking the helpful, growth-focused questions you list, mostly cautioned against anything that might be misinterpreted or seen as disagreeable to others.
Later, as I got curious and started poking at this part of myself, it birthed auditory hallucinations I literally "heard" as others complaining about me and testing my moral and emotional limits. These others were neighbors through the wall or out the window, strangers on the street, and even my friends and family when my back was turned. My mere existence was either an imposition or an experiment to everyone else.
I wrote a novel based on this experience, called "I Hear You Watching," which tracks the transformation from (relatively) ordinary overthinking and neuroses to full-blown paranoia, and I believe it demonstrates how easily one can slip into such an experience, depending on how they go about "watching themselves." The afterword describes my subsequent recovery by changing my internal questions to resemble the ones you've listed here. Writing the book was a grand exercise in asking those growth-focused questions of my experience and myself. In terms of self-observation, it was a real eye-opener! I'm forever grateful for this experience, because while it was harrowing, it forced me to reckon with this stuff, and without it I might've gone on living in my limited, poisonous self-awareness for the rest of my life.
This is a wonderful piece, Zahra, I too would love to read more from you on the subject.
I've been playing with this idea since my Kung Fu teacher spoke about the concept a few months back. It's amazing what you discover when you take a backseat and just observe your life. You start to notice so many patterns.
Allahuma barik! I would love to read something from you that combines this concept with the idea of self-efficacy (from one of your other essays I read a couple weeks ago). I felt immediately in my blood, that they are sibling concepts.
You can go through all of that and, in the end you might realise that life itself is absurd, and the way to go about it is to focus on the present, live it fully and embrace or accept absurdity!!!
Great reflection! I think taking a step back to observe ourselves and think about our behaviours can help us realign with our values. It can also help us gain more consciousness of Allah's presence in our lives.
I feel everyone could benefit from a little less of fundamental attribution error.
If you can comment on this, what's a pragmatic step you can take regularly to build a habit of stepping outside yourself to analyze as a stranger? Like if I started with just 1 thing/question.
And I think you told me before, but what database do you use to find these images? I always love your selections!!
I've tried using a few open access ones but the art style tends to always be the same old european stuff from 1800/1900s.
Great idea. I love the empathy part. The empathy born from this practice is a remarkable gift, not just to yourself but to everyone around you. It reminds us how much wisdom lies in acknowledging our shared human struggles, flaws, and contradictions. In understanding ourselves, we unlock the grace to truly see others.
For this exercise to truly work though, the process requires patience and persistence. Answers rarely come immediately as they demand a back-and-forth dialogue with ourselves, much like therapy or psychoanalysis. The real truths often reside beneath layers of assumptions, biases, and narratives. To uncover them, we must ask, probe, and revisit, understanding that clarity emerges over time, not all at once.
Also, to make this self-exploration meaningful and lasting, documenting the journey is important. Journaling can offer a way to anchor our discoveries, ensuring they aren’t lost to the passage of time. It’s a tool that not only captures the moments of insight but also provides a map of our growth reminding us of how far we have come and guiding us toward what’s yet to be uncovered.
You’re absolutely right about that! Thank you for sharing such beautiful reflections.
Great point! Some of my favorite lines of poetry:
“O, wad some Power the giftie gie us
To see oursels as others see us!
It wad frae monie a blunder free us,
An' foolish notion.”
-Robert Burns
Love Burns! Thank you for this.
One thing I have noticed is that taking a clear look at what I have done in writing makes it easier to correct course, if I am wrong or have caused harm. It is not something I understand and analyze, so much as it is an acknowledgement, with love for myself, nevertheless. A tool to make me useful, using detachment with love. It sounds strange, but so what, it works. Talking with a trustworthy person or two can also help the discomfort, to a degree. The sharing of it can help make for a closer community and human beings are meant to take on difficulties in community, not in isolation as many of us are taught as children. I love the feeling of God's grace when I have shared the experiences and others have also with me. There is greater patience and a desire to be kind that comes in. It feels good to do something kind because I just want to. That is not to say that anger and frustration are removed for the day, because they are not. It is nice to get a respite, even a short one.
This is truly so beautiful! Thank you for sharing Jeff!
So true.. this is what I do ... subhanallah.
"Can too much detachment lead to a kind of paralysis?" Yes. A thousand times yes. And I'd add to that: self-loathing, paranoia, and a whirlpool of loneliness.
I grew up with a third-person self-awareness that, rather than asking the helpful, growth-focused questions you list, mostly cautioned against anything that might be misinterpreted or seen as disagreeable to others.
Later, as I got curious and started poking at this part of myself, it birthed auditory hallucinations I literally "heard" as others complaining about me and testing my moral and emotional limits. These others were neighbors through the wall or out the window, strangers on the street, and even my friends and family when my back was turned. My mere existence was either an imposition or an experiment to everyone else.
I wrote a novel based on this experience, called "I Hear You Watching," which tracks the transformation from (relatively) ordinary overthinking and neuroses to full-blown paranoia, and I believe it demonstrates how easily one can slip into such an experience, depending on how they go about "watching themselves." The afterword describes my subsequent recovery by changing my internal questions to resemble the ones you've listed here. Writing the book was a grand exercise in asking those growth-focused questions of my experience and myself. In terms of self-observation, it was a real eye-opener! I'm forever grateful for this experience, because while it was harrowing, it forced me to reckon with this stuff, and without it I might've gone on living in my limited, poisonous self-awareness for the rest of my life.
This is a wonderful piece, Zahra, I too would love to read more from you on the subject.
Thanks, Zahra… This is a moving article. I, too have to reflect on my life. What this orange world is doing to us. My voice is very important. 🌹🌹🌹
I've been playing with this idea since my Kung Fu teacher spoke about the concept a few months back. It's amazing what you discover when you take a backseat and just observe your life. You start to notice so many patterns.
Allahuma barik! I would love to read something from you that combines this concept with the idea of self-efficacy (from one of your other essays I read a couple weeks ago). I felt immediately in my blood, that they are sibling concepts.
You can go through all of that and, in the end you might realise that life itself is absurd, and the way to go about it is to focus on the present, live it fully and embrace or accept absurdity!!!
Great reflection! I think taking a step back to observe ourselves and think about our behaviours can help us realign with our values. It can also help us gain more consciousness of Allah's presence in our lives.
I feel everyone could benefit from a little less of fundamental attribution error.
If you can comment on this, what's a pragmatic step you can take regularly to build a habit of stepping outside yourself to analyze as a stranger? Like if I started with just 1 thing/question.
And I think you told me before, but what database do you use to find these images? I always love your selections!!
I've tried using a few open access ones but the art style tends to always be the same old european stuff from 1800/1900s.
See step 1 "Relabel," and the "Impartial Spectator," from a (conservative) neuropsychiatrist.
https://wacodtx.org/wp-content/uploads/2014/07/The.Hungry.Ghost_.I.pdf
Our thoughts they collide,
all wonderously, looking, for who may be lurking outside.
More spectators, in awe.
Yet…We keep going, searching for more. For others to understand us, So..why not just peer through the door.
Absolutely! Thank you!
Well said!
Where/how would you draw the line between self-observation and self-criticism?
I would draw it where it no longer motivates you to grow but paralyses you.