"But make no mistake - you are not in the boxing ring with your spouse. You are in the ring with the worst possible version of yourself and your spouse is simply in the stands desperately rooting for the best version of you to win."
Man, what a powerful way to frame relational/marital conflict. It's so darn easy to feel that you're butting heads with someone - which you technically are - but it's really yourself who you're butting heads with.
This is the second post I've read by you and I'm becoming a fan. I especially enjoyed the exploration of the hadith of "half of his faith" as it relates to self-development through conflict. When you think of it that way, it's more like you can grow into the second half of your deen now that you're married. Marriage is an opportunity to complete your faith.
Very well penned, and the art pieces are always intriguing!
Thank you so much for this illuminating and powerful piece. I am beyond grateful that God led me to it at this moment and so grateful to you for writing it. ❤️🤲🏼
Great post! Not a great marketing pitch for marriage but really caused to me pause and reflect.
Perfection isn't a realistic goal, that's impossible. So is the aim constant and continuous self improvement? Part of me wonders at what point do we accept certain flaws (after ample introspection and interrogation) and arrive at the conclusion that some habits/actions are unlikely to change. Living with people has taught me not to "treat people how I want to be treated" but rather, treat people how they want to be treated because we are all so different. Different triggers, different quirks, different temperaments. Something that annoys me may not annoy another person and vice versa, so there's a delicate balance of finding people's edges and learning to live with them. I wonder if it's partly "being in the ring with the worst possible version of yourself" and partly cultivating the patience to be a flawed person living with another flawed person.
Another article of yours that I've read and it's another great piece.
This is a beautifully written piece on the power of marriage.
I agree with your take on how marriage helps us become better. It's definitely made me strive to be better in the last 10 years. And I hope it continues to make me work to be better.
With arguments, 3 things that have helped me and my wife are:
1. It's me and her vs the problem not me vs her
2. Never argue in public. Save it and discuss privately.
This is a wonderful piece of writing. Great definition of success - growth of character in the direction of the divine. You have many good insights. You should put them in a book and hopefully reach a wide audience.
"But make no mistake - you are not in the boxing ring with your spouse. You are in the ring with the worst possible version of yourself and your spouse is simply in the stands desperately rooting for the best version of you to win."
Man, what a powerful way to frame relational/marital conflict. It's so darn easy to feel that you're butting heads with someone - which you technically are - but it's really yourself who you're butting heads with.
This is the second post I've read by you and I'm becoming a fan. I especially enjoyed the exploration of the hadith of "half of his faith" as it relates to self-development through conflict. When you think of it that way, it's more like you can grow into the second half of your deen now that you're married. Marriage is an opportunity to complete your faith.
Very well penned, and the art pieces are always intriguing!
Thank you for the kind words, the Islamic perspective on marriage is a beautiful one indeed.
Thank you so much for this illuminating and powerful piece. I am beyond grateful that God led me to it at this moment and so grateful to you for writing it. ❤️🤲🏼
I’m beyond glad that it resonated with you the way it did! Thank you for your kind words 🙏🏻
i feel exactly the same!!
Absolutely brilliant work
Loved reading this. Lots to reflect on.
🙏🏻
Simply wow.
I love how realistic and simple this makes marriage sound. Great article! ❤️
Thank you! 🙏🏻
This is great Zahra! Really enjoyed this read! May Allah grant you more wisdom and allow this to be a means for you to enter Jannah!
Glad to hear it! Thank you for reading and inshallah 🙏🏻
Jazakallahu Khair for penning this down. Much needed for newly-weds
Old oldly-weds! Thank you
Absolute treasure of a read - jazakiAllah kheir!
Thank you! 🙏🏻
Very insightful read!
A while back I was reflecting on this Hadith and wow this post really made me realize the depth of the Hadith.
Wonderfully written. Barakallahu Feeki!
I’m so glad to hear that and thank you for taking the time to read it 🙏🏻
This is beautiful I loved every word!
Thank you 🙏🏻
Great post! Not a great marketing pitch for marriage but really caused to me pause and reflect.
Perfection isn't a realistic goal, that's impossible. So is the aim constant and continuous self improvement? Part of me wonders at what point do we accept certain flaws (after ample introspection and interrogation) and arrive at the conclusion that some habits/actions are unlikely to change. Living with people has taught me not to "treat people how I want to be treated" but rather, treat people how they want to be treated because we are all so different. Different triggers, different quirks, different temperaments. Something that annoys me may not annoy another person and vice versa, so there's a delicate balance of finding people's edges and learning to live with them. I wonder if it's partly "being in the ring with the worst possible version of yourself" and partly cultivating the patience to be a flawed person living with another flawed person.
Another article of yours that I've read and it's another great piece.
This is a beautifully written piece on the power of marriage.
I agree with your take on how marriage helps us become better. It's definitely made me strive to be better in the last 10 years. And I hope it continues to make me work to be better.
With arguments, 3 things that have helped me and my wife are:
1. It's me and her vs the problem not me vs her
2. Never argue in public. Save it and discuss privately.
3. Never go to sleep without solving an argument
This is a wonderful piece of writing. Great definition of success - growth of character in the direction of the divine. You have many good insights. You should put them in a book and hopefully reach a wide audience.
What would you recommend: arrange or love?
Intimate accountability is such a beautiful, poetic way to encapsulate this thoughtful piece, Zahra, thank you!
Expecting to be in a constant blissful state of happiness in marriage is delusional; unless you live in heaven 😁
Excellent writing Zahra, thank you. I found myself nodding a lot 😊