Absolutely brilliant piece! A must-read for anyone in a loving relationship. Thank you so much @themajaz for your critical insights that help so many navigate their most important relationships. I always learn so much!
This certainly is familiar to me, but it is so much worse with two conflict avoidant spouses living in an ice field. It seems like a better course would be to have real support from a loving community that can support both spouses and not put pressure on them to solve it quickly, but to definitely talk about their feelings when they do in ways that are direct and not hostile, yet honest to the bone. I much prefer to imagine a time when men supported each other as brothers and cared about their common lives in community. Women are more easily afforded support, but I also remember seeing kivas in the Southwest. I remember seeing them for Pueblo and Hopi men to congregate in fellowship and prayer. I think of the ancient Celts whose leaders were women in a matriarchal society, like the Hopi. What if our culture could return to the the woman centered world it once was? The men were not useless, and yes they hunted, but I think they supported each other in ways that supported their wives and leaders. The film, Angry Inuk portrays powerful women leaders that are so admirable. The men are not passive. It is definitely a culture of mutual support and creativity.
This was a very interesting and well-written piece Zahra, nice work! I had never heard of this pursue-withdraw dynamic before in any of my psychology or sociology courses, but it's good to know. I had no clue either about the differences in time to "cool down" and reduce sympathetic nervous system activation between men and women, that's fascinating to learn as someone with a biological science background. It makes sense when framed in the context of them being crucial to our ancient prehistoric human ancestors survival capabilities. I wonder if the leaf/leaf blower dynamic you describe will manifest itself the same way in my life when I get married, I suppose time will tell. Food for thought, certainly!
brilliant piece by the way, i wanted to ask: but the biological makeup.. or better yet the nervous system, its architecture could be transfigured based on the person's childhood upbringing right? i feel like the environment is the main factor right? because I've experienced a similar situation and it was the complete opposite, she was the leaf, the biggest stonewall if you may. and we both were survivors of our environments but i chose to be a leafblower after all that and she became the leaf.. so does the environment and the way a person chooses to adapt to it play the biggest factor in their architecture?
Absolutely brilliant piece! A must-read for anyone in a loving relationship. Thank you so much @themajaz for your critical insights that help so many navigate their most important relationships. I always learn so much!
Thank you dear Grace! This is high praise coming from you and I’m glad you think so 🙏🏻
Fascinating piece of work which has explained a lot. We’ve been married for 53 years, and we both wish we’d known these things years ago!
Thank you Zainah! 53 years how incredible!
This is brilliant and very well written! Thank so very very much!
Thank you Kevin! 🙏🏻
You're welcome.
This certainly is familiar to me, but it is so much worse with two conflict avoidant spouses living in an ice field. It seems like a better course would be to have real support from a loving community that can support both spouses and not put pressure on them to solve it quickly, but to definitely talk about their feelings when they do in ways that are direct and not hostile, yet honest to the bone. I much prefer to imagine a time when men supported each other as brothers and cared about their common lives in community. Women are more easily afforded support, but I also remember seeing kivas in the Southwest. I remember seeing them for Pueblo and Hopi men to congregate in fellowship and prayer. I think of the ancient Celts whose leaders were women in a matriarchal society, like the Hopi. What if our culture could return to the the woman centered world it once was? The men were not useless, and yes they hunted, but I think they supported each other in ways that supported their wives and leaders. The film, Angry Inuk portrays powerful women leaders that are so admirable. The men are not passive. It is definitely a culture of mutual support and creativity.
This was a very interesting and well-written piece Zahra, nice work! I had never heard of this pursue-withdraw dynamic before in any of my psychology or sociology courses, but it's good to know. I had no clue either about the differences in time to "cool down" and reduce sympathetic nervous system activation between men and women, that's fascinating to learn as someone with a biological science background. It makes sense when framed in the context of them being crucial to our ancient prehistoric human ancestors survival capabilities. I wonder if the leaf/leaf blower dynamic you describe will manifest itself the same way in my life when I get married, I suppose time will tell. Food for thought, certainly!
brilliant piece by the way, i wanted to ask: but the biological makeup.. or better yet the nervous system, its architecture could be transfigured based on the person's childhood upbringing right? i feel like the environment is the main factor right? because I've experienced a similar situation and it was the complete opposite, she was the leaf, the biggest stonewall if you may. and we both were survivors of our environments but i chose to be a leafblower after all that and she became the leaf.. so does the environment and the way a person chooses to adapt to it play the biggest factor in their architecture?